Excuse Me, But You're Out of Soap

I was at a kids birthday party with my son. At the end of the party I took him to the bathroom. (Context: he’s still young enough where mom needs to come with him.) While helping him wash his hands, I realized there was no hand soap. Or paper towels.

Being someone who makes myself at home wherever I go, I opened every cabinet in that bathroom like I paid rent there. Nothing. Thankfully, I don’t leave home without sanitizer. Hands clean enough, crisis averted, back to the party.

On the way out, I stopped the manager and let him know they were out of soap. He looked at me and said, “you must work in hospitality.”

I laughed. How could a manager of a kids indoor gym possibly know that from one comment?

We got to talking. Turns out he also manages a local restaurant and has spent years as a server. He said, “only someone in hospitality would say something like that.” Also, apparently, I was the only person who had brought it to his attention. (Gross. But also… good for me?)

But he has a point – and now, so does this article. Hospitality. You can train it. You can script it. But true hospitality… you can’t fake it. You’re kind of born with it.

No one has articulated this better than Danny Meyer and his concept of enlightened hospitality. If you haven’t read, Setting the Table, here is a link. You’re welcome! As he puts it, “the excellence of your food, your service, and your décor means nothing if you do not have a strong foundation of genuine hospitality.” And more importantly, he built an entire philosophy around putting employees first, knowing that when you take care of your team, they take care of the guest, and everything else follows.

And this is actually what inspired this POV… because enlightened hospitality is only part of the restaurant ecosystem “family.” It has a cousin. A very important one. Servant leadership.

At its core, servant leadership is the idea that leaders exist to serve their teams first. Not the other way around. It is about removing obstacles, supporting growth, and creating an environment where people feel valued, heard, and empowered to do their best work. The leader is not at the top of the pyramid. They are at the bottom, holding it up.

Sound familiar?

Because when you really look at it, enlightened hospitality and servant leadership are saying the same thing, just through different lenses.

Enlightened hospitality starts with taking care of your employees so they can take care of your guests.

Servant leadership starts with taking care of your people so they can take care of the business.

Different words. Same concept.

The reason this matters is because for a long time, enlightened hospitality has been associated with fine dining. White tablecloths. Polished service. Legacy brands like Union Square Cafe that have had decades to refine the craft.

But servant leadership is what makes this philosophy scalable. It is what brings this mindset into QSR, fast casual, franchise systems, multi-unit operators. It is what allows a GM at a 40 unit brand to create the same feeling for their team as a captain on the floor of a Michelin star restaurant. It democratizes hospitality. It makes it less about the setting and more about the mindset.

Because at the end of the day, guests feel what employees feel.

And if your team feels supported, respected, and taken care of, that shows up in every interaction. In every order. In every “let me take care of that for you.”

I was reminded of this firsthand over dinner this week at Union Square Cafe. Danny’s original restaurant (but in it’s new Park Ave South Location, the former home of City Crab – IYKYK), still operating at a level that sets the standard. The food was excellent. The service was seamless. But what stood out most was how the team handled what could have easily been an awkward situation.

My dinner was for two. (Definitely flexing that my dinner date was non-other than my friend and Badass Female CEO Reilly Berk.) Then we had a visitor join us. (Insert Schatzy into the story) When it became clear that he might stay for a bit, instead of telling us the table would not accommodate it, the team smoothly moved us to a larger corner table. No friction, no hesitation, just a quiet upgrade that felt more like first class than a reshuffle.

And just as Schatzy’s drink was cleared, in walks Greg Creed for dessert.

So now we are three at a two top at a restaurant that absolutely does not have room for that kind of improvisation. But instead of making it a problem, the team made it part of the experience. What could have been not kosher became memorable, thoughtful, and honestly, kind of magical.

That is enlightened hospitality.

But it is also servant leadership.

Because somewhere behind the scenes is a team that feels empowered to make that call. To prioritize the guest. To care.

And that brings me right back to the bathroom in the kids gym at the birthday party.

Noticing the soap is out. Saying something. Caring enough to not walk past it.

That is not about process. That is not about training. That is hospitality.

So here is your PSA. If the soap is out, say something. If something feels off, fix it. If you see an opportunity to make an experience better, take it.

Because whether you call it enlightened hospitality or servant leadership… it all starts the same way.

With someone who cares enough to notice.